Friday, October 20

the last glimpse

Let me share some of my happiest memories before the true end...

with Helen on the plane to Chengdu

arrived at the new Tibet station after a 48 hours train ride, with Eva and Fiona

the Potala Palace!

羊卓雍湖,西藏三大聖湖之一

納木措

two beautiful Tibetan girls we played with at 納木措

solar generated heater

哲蚌寺

taken at 哲蚌寺 during the debate session

辯經

the yogurt Peter bought us

the infamous Small Bar

four awesome bosses and one authentic dinner

on the way to Linchi

at 巴松措

巴松措

with Mr. Sunshine at a bar in Linchi, a night full of "stories"

Xinjiang food at Lhasa

the 老板

Thursday, October 19

the last page

I've decided to put a closure to my Tibet chapter and this is going to be the last entry I blog on Tibet. The clash that Tibet has given me was afterall too surrealistic and as now I have found no way to escape from my material self, I just have to leave Tibet behind and go back into the reality and hopefully, stay happy.

So two more things I have tell about this Tibet trip. First, the Panchen Lama, and second, the broken hearts in Tibet.

I and the girls saw the Panchen Lama. It was not a planned encounter. It happened when we were heading our way out the Zhashenbulun Palace at Rikece, when we heard some tourists shouting informing others that the Panchen Lama would appear in 20 minutes after his third walk-around of the Zhashenbulun Palace. So despite the fact that we were on high latitude and not supposed to take up fast motions, everybody started to run up the stairs back to the top, being afraid to miss the million dollar chance to see the sacred figure.

So there he was, accompanied by two other Lamas and several body guards, walking down the hill with a graceful smile on his face. And here I was, trying to figure out who was the Panchen and a good angle to get a shoot, was basically emotionless, as compared to the stirred up crowd.

What stirred me up too, was our second encounter, also unplanned. As we departed and reached the bottom of the Zhashenbulun Palace, the Panchen appeared again. This time the crowd seized the opportunity and all rushed up to the Panchen, bowing in front of him and yawning for his blessing touch. I too, being a non-devoted Christian, followed the crowd, and so left a leg that my girls today still pull. It's only because I wasn't aware of the ritual that I was supposed to have my head down when I await the Panchen's holy touch. And I wasn't bowing to be exact at that moment either, I was only bending my knees, having my butts in the air, and staring into the eyes of the Panchen with a silly smile when he touched my forehead.

The touch didn't give me a spiritual feed, but I was thrilled by the fact that I was touched by the Panchen. The cute 15 year-old Panchen. My other three girls, who were being cool and just standing aside at that time, then started to make fun of my silly act, in particular H. But I think she's just jealous of me because she wanted to do it too but she coudln't and didn't. (yes I'm writing this because I know YOU'll be reading it...my get back...haha love ya you crazy b*tch)

On another note. I've decided that Taipei's not the City of Sorrow (悲情城市), Lhasa is. Almost every restaurants and bars we went into, they're playing these sad breakup songs, which just didn't quite fit into our vacation mood. And I just have to quote this from a friend I met there, all men who visit Lhasa have been divorced, and all women who visit Lhasa smoke (到拉薩的男人都離過婚,到拉薩的女人都抽煙). This is quite an interesting conclusion of Lhasa. The four men we spent quite some time with in Lhasa have all been divorced, one even been divorced twice. I guess it is true in a way, that most people who decided to go to Lhasa, this religious city, were there to do some soul searching.

And of course, I too fit into the conclusion.

Tuesday, October 17

緣份

緣份是偶然的相遇。

我們在吉日旅館報團後,問路找韓國菜吃,而就在韓國菜館前,看到了「Small Bar什麼吧」的中英招牌;這是偶然。我說好幽默,飯後一定要去坐一坐;這是緣份。

什麼吧設在東措國際青年旅館內,裝飾巧花心思,具有豐富異地色彩,四人立刻愛上了這裡。我們喝著菊花茶,認識了來自香港,又剛巧第一天當老板的P,他問我們住那里,我們想也沒想就答道:明天就搬進來!

那晚,我們亦透過P認識了G。又因為他們倆,令我直至今天,仍有身在拉薩的感覺。

一晚在什麼吧計劃著尼泊爾的行程,大家仍然因時間、價錢等安排未能談攏。P說:若是我,我就去林芝了,林芝比九寨溝還要美!我們在P的慫恿下,決定放棄尼泊爾,去了林芝。

緣份就像連鎖反應似的,因為去林芝,認識了陽光和廣吉;因為沒去尼泊爾,等到了丹丹。

至今我雖然離開拉薩已有3周,但與拉薩的緣份,仍然在繼續。它今天更將我帶到一個小男孩的生命中;我是真的希望能為他的生命帶來點改變。

他的名字叫邊巴次仁,樣子很精靈,今年12歲,拉孜人,父親已因病去世,母親亦正病重,所以在2001那年,住進了曲珍孤兒院。這個孤兒院P也是經辦人之一。看到熱心人這麼多,自己也被感動了,很想出一點微力,所以領養了事後才從P和G口中得知,是全院最皮的一個小男孩。邊巴次仁頑皮不要緊,小男孩就是應該皮一點才可愛,但我希望他能懂得珍惜機會,好好學習,這就是我的唯一心願了。

若你們有興趣,可以到曲珍孤兒院的網站看看,有機會的話,也幫幫這些小孩子!

去西藏前,是希望去完西藏後,腦子能清晰點;怎料,到了今天,比當天更混亂不堪。

我在東措遇到的人,都很自由和隨情,大家不慌不忙的,游游閒閒過一天。平日總是要事先想好一天要幹甚麼的我,起初覺得很浪費時間,到了後來,卻變成是相當享受這種度日方法,所以最後兩天除了吃飯,差不多沒有離開過東措半步。

我在東措遇到了不少是從他鄉來拉薩定居的人,他們搞著小生意,過著簡單又無憂無慮的生活。像P,他說一天只要賣出4罐啤酒,就能維持一個月經營酒吧的成本;而事實上,什麼吧的生意好得沒話說,看到P每天的工作主要是與新的舊的客人聊天,對這種生活我羨慕不己。

P未去拉薩時,屬經理級的人物。我問他,若你早知道你今天是過著這種簡單自由的生活,那你覺得你以前打拼的日子值不值得?在我期待一段長長的答案時,P只斬針截鐵地說了三個字:不值得。我好失望,我喊道,年輕時不是應打拼嗎?沒打拼算活過嗎?但P仍舊只是那三個字。

過去我一直覺得我的人生很精彩,但這刻我不知道我的時間是否過得值得。

我嚮往簡單自由的生活,但習慣了壓力和改變的我,不知道是否真的能過得了這種日子。我想到了在西藏旅程的15天中,我只換著穿了5、6件上衣;很小的一件事,但卻是我能在西藏能做到的,而在香港做不到的事。

Thursday, October 12

拉薩——酒篇

旅遊書會告訴你,在西藏到酒吧要小心,晚上走在街頭也要小心,因為藏人喝醉了酒喜歡鬧事。

在拉薩最受年輕人歡迎的夜店芭比拉的夜場內,不時會有身穿西裝的保鏢形人物,加上身穿製服的警衛,一行共廿多人在場內操列。這樣的排場我倒是第一次見。一晚我在芭比拉,場內發生了點混亂,立即有數位保鏢形人物加警衛,將滋事份子遞解出門外,辦事效率一流。

那晚我問一位溫州人,為何都說藏人喜歡借酒鬧事?他給了我一個有趣的答案:因為藏人只是半開發。

他說,中央為了使西藏安定、減少離心力,每次給予西藏的資助比國內其他省份都要多,西藏人被寵壞了,有錢了,就成了「半開發」的一群,所以動不動會打架。

雖然我不太明白他的邏輯,但比我當初認為是藏人較為原始率直的原因,來得更共產式思想。

拉薩——現代化篇

九月十三日傍晚,抵達了拉薩火車站。火車站剛落成,簇新的。坐上旅行車大半個小時後,我終於置身於期待以久的拉薩市,這個位於世界最高原的宗教城市。不過,雖然在街上看到很多穿著民族服的藏民,手中旋轉著藏經輪,房子上窗台的位置亦畫上藏雕花,但是這並不是我想象中的拉薩市。

電影中都把拉薩異地化了。當地的商鋪雖然仍是舊的、鋪上灰塵的,但它們的招牌,與在成都看到的一樣,就是在一式一樣的彩色印刷背景上,再印上店名。

拉薩市對我來說唯一的標記,就是高處聳立的布達拉宮,跟電影中的同一個模樣;一切在布達拉宮以下的東西,就都已變得現代化。

我們都說,拉薩已經變成商業化了。

這也是我們對很多落後城市的評語。

但我想,這其實對她們和她們的居民並不公平。若我們為了滿足旅客的好奇心,希望她們永遠都保留原來的樣子,不發展,這樣當地居民的生活如何提升?難道他們就應永遠住在最原始的環境、天天穿著冗贅的民族藏服?

不過,當然在一個城市現代化的同時,不能摧毀了原有的文化和古蹟,而從當地政府保存拉薩的寺廟的功夫和心思來看,這點還不用太擔心。

只是,市中商店的招牌,仍有待改善。

Monday, October 9

回春

四點半了,睡不著。這幾天都睡不好,零晨三四點的一個短訊鈴聲,也可以把我喚醒。

最近自信心有點低落,而且竟是因為外貌的問題。小時常扮27歲,喜歡打扮成熟,別人要說我30,還暗自歡喜。現在真的到了這個年齡,就擔心得買了一大堆燕窩回來補補,又每晚敷面膜。每次照鏡子看到自己憔悴的臉容時就想,還可以扮22歲嗎?

發生了甚麼事,像患了中年危機似的。

所以啊,年青的妹妹們,要及早開始保養,也不要太熬夜啊。

對不起,一連寫了這麼多篇庸俗的廢話,其實從西藏回來後,一直想寫寫當地的所見所聞,但這陣子腦子想太多事情,遲些一定會有所交待的。

Monday, October 2

掙扎

好一個朋友。

一個會做一切,去滿足朋友的朋友。

一個男人花錢去把另一個男人,送到一個女人的手中,若那個女人接受,還可以算是人嗎?道德倫理會否自始名實存亡?

女人是否有本錢,再去瘋狂一次?

朋友好心為女人完成夢想,只怕會把她拉回到非現實世界,以後再也無力與現實搏鬥。