woman: safety

I don't like guys who talk like Prince Charming. The end is kinda lame. But I found this piece quite entertaining. Here is Jackson Gordon, a columnist of Taxi.

At the Bar

“Excuse me. I saw you across the bar and you were so beautiful I thought I would come and say hello.”
The goddess of the bar smiles deeply. “Thanks. But I have heard that line before.”
“Good – so you know what goes next.”
“You wanna know if I want a drink.” She goes on with the conversation dance.
“No, I wanted to tell you I have herpes.”
Then I jerk awake in a cold sweat from my nightmare.

The best advice I ever received was from one of Ali G’s guests – back before he went across the pond to the and HBO. He was having a round table discussion about sex with a televangelist, a “True Love Waits” virgin, somebody else, and a porn star. Ali G asked all of them to just say one word about sex – no more, no less. Everyone said what you expected them to say, the tele-priest said: “God”, the virgin said “patience”, the other person said “blah, blah, blah”, but it was the porn star that forever changed me.

She said: “Safety.”

I was taken back by that. Out of the all the vocabulary that a porn star has she said “safety”. Why? The credits rolled and the porn star never got to explain. But I thought about that for days. And I realized that if she contracts a disease, tears something, or has a shaving accident, her career is over. Forever. Like a professional footballer that tears his or hers Achilles heel.
And that’s when I realized “safety” was the last thing that rolled off my tongue when I rolled out of Lan Kwai Fong after too many drinks with my clammy palms gripping the angel of the night.

One alarming trend I find in is that women once inebriated throw their risk concerns out the window. And often you get into point of no return situations – where your manhood is put to the test.

Never has a woman asked me if I had a condom, I am always the one that brings it up. It usually goes like this, “We need protection, baby.” They would shake their heads violently and bumble out, “Why? I am safe. Aren’t you?”

Five seconds before penetration is the worst time to bring up your sexual history and if a man wanted to lie – it would be then. And a forced question like that – forces you as a guy to defend your own honor, “Of course I am.”

“Then let’s do this.” And five hours later when you are both spent, bodies sweaty in a heap wrapped in wet sheets, she is asleep on your chest and you are watching the sunrise through the towering IFC building - as a guy you find myself asking, “God, I hope she was telling the truth.”
So I had to come up with a foolproof way that with any situation – drunk or sober – I would not bypass “safety” standards.

So my savior came from Toys R Us just before Christmas. And I felt like a dirty old man – there I was a single guy perusing the toy aisles in being pushed about by kids of all shapes and sizes and their parents making mental notes about what they could or could not afford. And I was looking for a way for to prevent STDs.

And on a Ladies Night, it happened – and after an uncountable amount of Fuzzy Navels in Lan Kwai Fong – she asked me to take her to my place. She lived in and said it was too late to catch her bus. Okay, sure.

So we staggered hand in hand to my place and I took her to my rooftop. When the making out started to progress further with her hand up my shirt and down other places, I yanked away and disappeared downstairs.

When I returned, she looks bewildered especially when she realizes I am hiding something behind my back. “You have to ask permission.”
“What are you hiding?” I sat down and kissed her deeply but she kept her eyes open.
Then I pull out a small Teddy Bear between us. And she throws her hand over her mouth to hide her laughing. “My Teddy Bear is very protective.” I continue.
“Really? Is he?”
“She.”
“Oh I am sorry, she.”
“Ask her if you can have sex with me.”
She laughs even harder.
I act like the Teddy Bear wants to tell me something. I lean down to listen. “She says yes if you will kiss her tummy.”
“Her tummy?”
“Yeah, she is bi-curious.” That gets a bigger laugh. But she leans forward and gives it a big kiss. That’s when she hears the plastic crumble underneath and feels it against her lips. “What’s that?”
“Protection.” And I unzip the back of the Teddy Bear and slide out a condom.
Then the fun begins: having her help me put it on and then us getting it on. Sure, its corny. But who knew that fuzzy navels stop nightmares?

可悲

「港女」的話題好舊了，但發現竟原來有女同事在報上寫了一篇有關的文章，我有幾句想說。

數周前在上海，認識了一個丹麥朋友，他說香港和上海的女孩他都有約會過，兩地的女孩都很漂亮，只是上海的女孩缺少了「這裡」，說著他指了指腦袋。我笑著跟他說：「這就是香港男孩最不想要的東西。」

當有人心存嘲諷地說，內地女孩聽話溫柔，甚麼家事都會做時，我相信很多香港女孩都會想，那香港男孩就北上找女孩吧，因為我寧可不嫁，也不會降格自己，去做一個為做家務而活的女人。「不嫁」不等於「嫁不出」，若果以為不結婚可以要脅到香港女孩的話，這些人也太天真了。

我很慶幸我身邊的男性朋友不會講港女的話題，因為我相信只有同一層次的人會聚在一起；所以只有港男身邊，才會出現港女。我的女性朋友會買名牌，但很多都是自己買的，而且也會買名牌給男朋友。我的男性朋友也會買名牌給女朋友，因為他們自己也用名牌，這並不是甚麼大不了的事。

貪慕虛榮並不是罪，最重要的是有本事去貪慕虛榮。而在愛情之中，一切都是你情我願的。

夢

想寫一篇關於夢境的文章很久了，因為夢的世界，是我的第二個生命。

別人說，發夢讓人得不到真正的休息；而我，記不起有哪一天不發夢。我的夢有顏色、有味道，而且夢醒後，還記得清清楚楚。不過，要老實點，有味道的夢我還只做過一次，大概是一個月前，我夢到我在吃一條石頭魚，那鮮甜的味道是醒了後還記得。

我從前最常發的夢有三種，不過隨著年紀大了，這三種夢出現的次數，已越來越少。

第一種，是鬼夢。我總是覺得，我小時候的屋子有「那種」東西，所以也常夢到。不過，夢得多後，在夢裡知道即將會有鬼出現時，就會突然記起自己在發夢，然後大聲叫醒自己，那恐怖的世界，就會離我遠去。我的意志力，看來還不賴。

第二種，是飛的夢。做飛的夢不是鬧著玩的，是很累的事，因為總代表著有「不尋常」的事發生。「起飛」時我通常都用「蛙式」，「升空」了，就立刻變成極速飛行，快得有時候會怕撞到高樓大廈上去。

其實除了做飛的夢，我也常做跑的夢。雖然在現實世界，我要說我是跑步好手也不會臉紅，但在夢裡，我總是跑得很吃力，就是腿也抬不起的那種，所以每一步都是用彈的，就像小鹿斑比一樣。

第三種，是忘記考試的夢。這種夢我想不用多解釋了，很多人都做過，因為我媽也說至今她仍會做這種夢。唉，考試可真是折磨人一生的東西呀。

說來慚愧，怎麼我的「第二生命」好像總是很灰暗壓抑似的，難道我真的就是這麼一個人。其實也不是啦，像我前晚就夢到我成功打通給蘇兆明，他還跟我暢談了很多可以作精彩報道的材料。可惜，事實時，第二天我再嘗試打給他時，他又不接我電話了。

還有，不知你有否試過，會多次做同一個夢，而那夢境，可能是相隔多年才出現一次。進入了那夢境，你即時發現似曾相識，知道下一步會發生甚麼事。即使明知道要降臨的是災難，你也已學乖選擇了別一步去走，但最後，要發生的，怎都會發生。

這種夢，我也常做。

Phuket fotos

Since April it's been taipei, phuket and shanghai, but vacations are never enough for me, I can't wait till my long journey arrives in sept.

Click on the link and the pictures will walk you through the fabulous wedding of my dear friend vivian, which took place in phuket, and in which i was the maid of honor for the first time.

Vivi has started her new life in the US.

For some people, life is full of magic. For me, I just need to leave this city.