March 18

A few little events spiced up my typical working day today, which included visiting two new clubs (of very different styles) and kissing a random stranger, so I thought they deserved an entry.

Tonight I got to leave work early for a banquet hosted by the Kwang Hwa Information and Culture Center, a Taiwan agency, partly for work. In this kind of banquet, I found myself already pretty mechanical to the process of munching snacks by myself at the corner, spotting a target, and then taking the move to chat up the target, about politics of course. Tonight was more fun though, there're karaoke and lucky draw, and acquainted legislators and activists. No tycoons or big CEOs, that made life a lot easier.

Except, the woman by the surname of Lu, or some people call her Ping. She is such an arrogant bitch, but only to females, during other times with men she'd transform into an over-aged flirt. I wish she had enough news value (though she acts like she does) so that I could diss her on the newspaper instead of here.

Anyways, after, I had my first hangout with people in my field. Francis, who's a senior reporter at RTHK, invited me to FCC, where he's a board member, along with some other correspondents. First time REALLY at FCC, the other two times I covered press conference there so didn't count. Between the red brick walls and in a room filled with foreign expats, I felt like I was back in the States.

Few correspondents I met at FCC, they all started off as reporters at newspapers, and then eventually went on different paths they desired in the media. That sounds like an encouragement to me.

Francis encouraged me to join the FCC, one thing he said that fascinated me was that one cocktail's for only fourteen bucks at FCC(I swear that's what I heard instead of forty). But after I found out on top of the one time membership fee of already over a thousand, there’s also a monthly fee of nine hundred something, sorry, no money.

Oh something interesting. I never knew a parrot can REALLY talk. I mean communicating like a 2 years old human being. I wonder if I was too naive actally believing it. One lady at the table told us about the story of her parrot "talking back". One time they're "arguing" about something I forgot what it was and she went "you're only a parrot", and then the parrot snapped and said "so?".

Tonight Lan Kwai Fong was packed with people from watching Ruby Sevens. After FCC I went to Volar, my first time there, (hehe i know i'm "out") and I didn't like it.

Volar SUCKS! To begin with, of course, it's the long queue and obnoxious "gatekeeper” at the door. Hong Kong people are strange animals, the more hard to get something is, the more we crave for it. Luckily my friend's friend's friend was on the list so it didn't take too long to get in. But unluckily they played techno inside, and I hate techno. And the low ceiling and the blue lights made me feel like situating in hell, or a drug addicts haven. However, I have to admit that it's my first time seeing so many cute guys at one time, though they were all uniform looking.

Two other tiny incidents that I was excited about. I was invited to the Press Association annual ball this June (yeah~), and my sister ran into Nicholas Cage today in Melbourne!!!

真正再見了！董伯伯

好累哦。

董伯伯今天終於「走了」。連日來的任務，好像告一段落，但其實真正的工作，才正式開始。要忙到7月吧。

我不是善於離別的人，雖然我對董伯伯毫無感情，但當我看到他宣讀辭職演詞時，眼睛也不由自主地濕了起來。

我03年7月1日走在街上時，沒有大喊「董建華下台」，但我是認為，他應該順從民意，從善如流。董伯伯毫無置疑是一位「好好先生」和「慈祥伯伯」，但他也確實沒有能力做好特首的工作，所以理應顯示政治問責精神，引疚辭職。

我一直相信，他也是想走的，當每天都有人罵你，為何還有吃力不討好、自討沒趣？可惜他只是中央的一個傀儡，他的去留，還要聽從中央的指示。所以他只能忍辱負重、裝聾作啞，在他一把年紀、毫無衝勁可言之時，繼續任由反對他的人辱罵。每當我聽到民主派當面冷嘲熱諷揶揄董伯伯時，我都不禁為他難過；董伯伯，你真是有苦自己知。

今晚，我目送董伯伯離開他工作了7年多的政府總部，暗自為他感觸良多；那邊廂，亞牛先生在鐵欄外，大叫口號，命董伯伯快滾（大意如此）。我不認同這種行為，人家都要走了，你還要多踩一腳，何必呢？對事不對人嘛！

政府總部今日整天都鬧哄哄的，一眾官員和逾百名記者在走來走去。以前我只從電視上見過記者加保安的混亂採訪場面，但今天總算親身經歷了，有點激烈，有點餘悸。

鯨魚

他說，近千年前，當香港還未是漁港的時候，人們依賴鯨魚渡過「維多利亞港」（當然，那時的香港還未經歷過殖民統治的洗禮）。

千年前，當鯨魚和人類還能夠相處的時候，香港人會走進鯨魚的嘴巴裡，坐在濕漉漉的舌頭上，（ 就像"Finding Nemo"那樣），讓鯨魚運載到對岸。

每當鯨魚泊岸的時候，牠那股勁，會令水面捲起闊1里x1里x4尺的巨渦。好有力量的一幅畫面。

我一直都很想一嘗坐在鯨背上、浮浮沈沈、傲視遠方的滋味；如果我是生於那個時代，那該多好！

爸爸與媽媽

與好友又談起，各自今天的性格和抉擇，與小時母親的施教有關。

我很清楚，我對媽缺少耐性，也是建立於我自小對她的不滿。要先表明，我媽其實很疼愛我，也花了很多精力培育我，但她以前對我很多的要求和期望，我當時覺得很不合理，很受委屈，而更糟的是，我現在也是這樣覺得。她從小就把我當大人般看待，我感到「心身俱疲」。

所以現在每當她嘮叨，為何她的女兒對她如此般，（其實也沒很差，只是不太講話），我心裡就想，只怪你以前讓我種下太多心結！不過，我從沒有說出口，她也不會知道。

現在工作時間顛倒，很少看到爸媽，所以周未都盡量留在家中，陪陪兩老。但不知怎地，心裡雖然有著萬分孝意，做出來的卻是另外一套。我和媽，就是談不攏。

爸媽老了，火氣小了不少，對我愈加千依百順，我其實心存歉意。我知道，沒理由因為過去的心結，而影響還能共聚的日子。「不應活在過去的陰影」——這是簡單的人生道理。可惜，我有點力不從心。

「孩子！當你還很小的時候，我花了很多時間，教你慢慢用湯匙、用筷子吃東西。教你繫 鞋帶、扣扣子、溜滑梯、教你穿衣服、梳頭髮、擰鼻涕。這些和你在一起的點點滴滴,是多麼的令我懷念不已。

所以，當我想不起來，接不上話時，請給我一點時間，等我一下，讓我再想一想 .....極可能最後連要說什麼，我也一併忘記。孩子！你忘記我們練習了好幾百回，才學會的第一首娃娃歌嗎？是否還記得每天總要我絞盡腦汁，去回答不知道你從哪裡冒出來的嗎？

所以，當我重覆又重覆說著老掉牙的故事，哼著我孩提時代的兒歌時，體諒我.讓我繼續沉醉在這些回憶中吧！切望你，也能陪著我閒話家常吧！

孩子，現在我常忘了扣扣子、繫鞋帶。吃飯時，會弄髒衣服，梳頭髮時手還會不停的抖，不要催促我，要對我多一點耐心和溫柔，只要有你在一起，就會有很多的溫暖湧上心頭。

孩子！如今，我的腳站也站不穩，走也走不動。所以，請你緊緊的握著我的手，陪著我，慢慢的。就像當年一樣，我帶著你一步一步地走。」

我這陣子很小blog，除了因為缺乏時間寫外，連思考的時間，也缺乏。自覺越來越平庸了。又或者，我已沒有太多說話想跟人說。反正我不關心你，你也不關心我。讀著別人的blog，口若懸河地訴說心中話，我做不到。因為我，已經厭倦了人。

再見了！董伯伯

我老細說：你在見證一個時代的更替，你應該興奮的！

是，是有點兒興奮，現做的事，終於與每個香港人都有點關係，不只流於范范空談。

還要興奮的是，看每個人被中央殺個措手不及，此後每步棋子要怎樣走。

我們只是一顆棋子，任中央擺佈。

香港人已習慣了被人擺佈，所以反彈不大 。

人頪也不只是顆棋子嗎？上天看著你在盤上走來走去、撞這撞那，好玩得很！

****

《第四代》前言說，朱鎔基是敢於趟地雷陣的，當一個人想趟地雷陣而被其同伴死死縛住並警告他不得冒死時，這個人也許再也不想去積蓄力量。

我的情況有點不同，我也想趟地雷陣，但卻沒地雷陣可趟；但同樣地，我感到我的力量也快耗盡了。